firstBORN

You know God's name, but that doesn't tell you who God is. If I told you my name do you suddenly know me? Do you know who I am based on a name alone? No, of course not. Who God is...is simple. Jesus states simply that he is the truth the life and the way. It's important to recognize that. When we're worshipping Jesus we just aren't worshipping a name. We're worshipping a living and breathing concept which is truth itself. It is truth that gives life and the name of truth is Jesus.  It's the same deal with the father. Yahweh our creator is love. So we were literally made with love, or by love. From love comes creation. All things we create we should create with love. And this is how we worship the father.  2 Corinthians 3:17 tells us that wherever the spirit is freedom is. Because they are one and the same. And freedom is the perfect marriage between justice and liberty. The divine masculine and the divine feminine. Paige and myself. These are the God's w...

Even you rejecting me and mocking me is just a part of the same old pattern that keeps repeating itself over and over you fucking muppets. Sorry, I'm still really angry at you guys. You're all just so dumb. No matter how clearly I explain it, it's like you just don't want to get it. You don't want to see. It's makes me wonder if you're really even conscious or just a bunch of brainless NPCs. Even when I connect the dots for you and paint this beautiful picture you all just spit on it. Are you really christians? I don't know. Let's sum up the entire story and maybe you can see the entire pattern, from Genesis to Revelation. We'll put the entire story on the face of a clock starting and ending at midnight. In the beginning 12 O'clock God walked the earth. From 12 to 3 everyone lived for hundreds of years. At 3 O'clock you have the flood plus Noah's ark serving as a literal metaphor for the rapture that will happen next time the earth is...

I thought so. When I was still in jail I prayed to God and asked for some confirmation. Later that night while watching the news I learned that Hillary Clinton had just announced that she chose Kain as her running mate. That's a pretty big sign.  So I've told this story before almost word for word on Reddit. I was pretty active on Reddit. I don't really try and hide who I am anymore. Whoever wants to read my story can read it. And everyone wants me to think I'm crazy. They just wave it all away with baseless accusations such as I'm schizophrenic or delusional. They say I need professional help. But never point to the places where my story doesn't add up. They never explain how they know. They just treat it all as coincidence. I'm not talking about atheists either. I'm talking about christians.  I could see their lack of an argument having weight if my story was just "God said so and so I am". But my story is far more than that. I had premonitio...

1:1-4 May he kiss me with the kisses of his mouth!...The king has brought me into his chambers . This is the first time we hung out together, just her and I. And I asked if she wanted to go to lux and somehow my lips got stuck in front hers.  1:7 Tell me, you whom my soul loves, Where do you pasture your flock, Where do you have it lie down at noon? For why should I be like one who veils herself Beside the flocks of your companions? And this is the last time we hung out and she expressed interest in spending more time with me by asking about my work schedule 1:12 While the king was at his table, My perfume gave forth its fragrance. And this happened just before that, when I felt her love for the first time. 2:4-6 He has brought me to his banquet hall, And his banner over me is love. Refresh me with raisin cakes, Sustain me with apples, Because I am lovesick. His left hand is under my head, And his right hand embraces me. 6-5 Turn away thine eyes from me, for they have overcome me T...

So while I'm still in the middle of this second event and God the father has calmed down a bit (I'm still confused cause I'm still overloaded with information, not knowing what to think about anything cause I've barely begun to process it all) I'm sitting on my porch smoking a cigarette, the suns about to set soon, so the street lights are on. And I noticed these strange arrow shaped clouds in the sky. I guess God wants me to take a walk, so that's what I do. I walk in a direction down my street I don't normally walk in. A few minutes later I walk by this one street light that turns off as soon as I step in front of it. This light is right in front of a wilderness. I guess this is where God wants me to go. I go into the wilderness and I can feel the holy spirit. She feels so much like Paige that I actually think that Paige must be in here somewhere. I'm led to one side of the mountain by the spirit and up to the top of the mountain and then down the othe...

Through the discovery of some of my past lives I've learned that whenever I play a significant role in history the thing that always causes me to leave my comfort zone and go on this journey is death. My story always starts with me killing someone. This time I'll be killing myself. I need to get over my fear of death. I just know that I can't be with her unless I'm willing to embrace death. When I finally do kill myself I don't believe I'll actually die. Because I died before and yet I'm still alive. During the second event I was compelled by the holy spirit to go to a hill at the foot of the mountain and make a fire. I was to give my life to this fire. I wasn't afraid because God was with me. I was eager to do this for her. I did it naked because she was naked when it happened to her. I inhaled her smoke for a while and when I felt it was time I laid down by the fire in the direction the smoke was blowing so that smoke would be all that I inhale. Eventu...

Judge says he'll let me go if I just continue to go to probation. But I'm stubborn and refuse, now I'm arrested. They do eventually let me go...five months later. Judge says I still have to go to probation though. I tell him no, but they still let me go. PO officer calls me, says it's time to come in. I say no, he threatens to go to the judge. And then nothing happens. They gave up. I made my point, but at what cost?  I eventually work up the courage to find Paige. I knock on her door, someone else lives there now. I go to her bar hoping to bump into her. I visit the restaurant she use to work at. Turns out she moved back to her home state.  We kind of talked on craigslist like before for a while. I try and email her directly but she never responds. She won't tell me how to contact her or find her. She just posts these ads hoping I recognize her. I think it's because she read the same story I read. She knows that if this is real then things are suppose to play o...

We were always connected. Long before we even met we were connected. When I was a teenager I was walking the mall with a friend. I think we were talking about girls because for some reason I just started talking about who my ideal girlfriend would be. She'd be a lesbian, a waitress, and she'd be beautiful but not know it. It wasn't even a premeditated thought, it just came out. I have no idea why that would be my ideal girlfriend.  This other time when I was 19 or 20 I'm drinking with some friends. And this woman named Angel out of the blue just started talking about how nice of a guy I am, how trustworthy I am. She says she'd even trust me with her own kids. And then she goes on to say that I'll have the perfect girlfriend one day. A literal angel told me I'd have the perfect girlfriend one day. Who could be more perfect than God herself? When I was still with Lila before my son was born I had a dream. I was standing on the shore watching this woman off in ...

So after the whole event which lasted about a week I broke up with Kelly S. It felt like a betrayal to continue to date her while knowing I'm in love with someone else. Even though I don't know who this someone is yet. Shortly after I would find myself hanging out with Paige again, at the bar she likes, just me and her again. I forgot to tell you this part. When the first event began as soon as it happened Paige was the very first person I told. I sent her a text and said something like dude you aren't going to believe this, I'm talking to God and it's incredible, I feel like I know everything. I'm just totally sounding like a stoner in that text.  So we're at the bar and she brings up the text and how funny she thought it was. She doesn't know what followed after that first night though. I asked her if I could tell her something without her judging me. I tell her just how surreal the experience was and how long it lasted. I don't go into detail or a...

I get to the bar she invited me to. And it's just me and her. I was expecting her to be with friends. I'm not going to read into it though. I'm sure all she's looking for is a strictly platonic friend. And I'm cool with that. Despite how attracted I am to her why should I ever get stuck on one woman when there is so many other women.  I don't know how I ever manage to hold a woman's attention when I barely talk. I do manage to make some small talk. After observing her for a little bit I get the impression that she's like a lion. Just the way she acts and dresses. It's like she doesn't care about anyone's opinion. Everyone else cares about being validated by society. Not her, she's her true self whether you like it or not. Her bar is kind of dead and I'm one of those weird kind of introverts that likes being in extroverted environments. So I ask if she wants to go to lux. Once there I'm feeling more comfortable and the conversation...

I met her through Champagne, just like how I met Kelly. I've developed a somewhat close platonic friendship with champagne recently. During the days of Edd and his parties I mostly just thought of her as an acquaintance. But now she lives in the same neighborhood as me and I bump into her a lot. So now we hangout a bunch. One day we're out drinking and she says her friend Paige is coming out to meet us. For some reason she mentions that she's a lesbian, but whatever.  When I first saw her I couldn't believe how beautiful she was. You know how there is always that scene in a romance movie when a guy first lays eyes on the one and it's like somehow he knows that she's different. Seeing her felt like I was looking at true beauty for the very first time. She's not like a stereotypical kind of beauty, but actual true beauty. I can't stop gazing at her, I'm just so mesmerized by her. It's not like I think it's love at first sight or anything, but I...

It feels like an actual physical substance that can be felt just like any other thing that physically exists. It's not just a feeling you think you feel, a feeling you think is there but it really isn't. I actually physically feel love pouring inside of me and overflowing outside of me all around me. I'm in a state of true bliss. This is amazing. I knew God was real. I knew ever since I was baptized and just for a moment I felt the holy spirit inside of me. It was like this tiny light that turned on inside of me the moment I came out of the water. From then on I was no longer a believer in Jesus, but someone who knows Jesus is God. But I never felt his presence like this before. It's almost like he's here in the flesh with me in my apartment. Just hanging out with me like we're two buds. I thought this was just going to be a one night thing and tomorrow he'll be gone. Tomorrow I woke up and he was still here with me. I went to work and all day I was on cloud...

Even the job I was working during that time, I got the same way my dad got his job. He started out as a janitor and then got promoted to a pretty well paying position. He worked that job until I was 19 and he got laid off. I started out as a janitor at the company I work at and I got promoted to a pretty well paying position. I like my job, I don't have the urge to quit and find a new one. But the idea that my life is dictated by fate really bothers me. Are the choices I make even my own? Am I really stuck living my father's life whether I like it or not? Me and my dad even think the same. I brought up how weird it was that all three of us were 27 years apart and he says "actually I was just thinking the exact same thing". Even my birthday is on the 27th day of the year, January 27th. How weird is that? Why is this number following me? I hated the idea that my life was fated so much that I jumped at the opportunity to work for a friend when he offered me a job just t...

Its's April 20th 2016 and my life is almost perfect. I have a son who will be three in August that I get to see every weekend who I love to death. My job isn't great but it pays the bills. And for the past month I've been dating this woman named Kelly S. (not the Kelly I told you about earlier, a different Kelly) and I really adore her a lot. We're keeping things casual per my request. I just haven't really wanted to be in a serious relationship since my experience with Lila. And also unlike before I'm pretty content with the idea of being alone. I'm no longer looking to fall in love. I kind of feel bad because I can tell Kelly S. wants us to be more. Sometimes I still find myself thinking about her and wondering how things might have panned out if not for the night of April 20th. Maybe I would have settled down with her. Maybe I would have given my son the family I wish I had growing up.   2015 and 2016 were the best years of my life. My social life was jus...

So I kind of did a bad thing. I want to date Lila and break up with Kelly. But Lila broke things off with me before. What if she ends it after one date again. Then I'll be all alone all over again. So I figured just in case I should continue to see Kelly while also seeing Lila. If it looks like things are going good with Lila then I'll end things with Kelly. And it was going pretty good, on a superficial level at least. Me and Lila just don't really have good chemistry. She looks good, the sex is good and frequent, she makes good money, her bills are cheap. So what if I'm not head over heals for her like I am with Kelly. With Lila I could have the easy life. I won't have to worry about a thing anymore if I end up moving in with her. So I'm going to break up with Kelly. But like I said I like Kelly a lot. I thought at the very least we could have a platonic friendship. So I asked if we could be just friends and not have sex anymore. She was kind of thrown off a b...

So I have a pretty crazy story to tell. At first it won't sound crazy at all. It'll sound pretty ordinary and at times boring. But if you keep reading I'm sure you'll be surprised by just how crazy it gets. It was pretty hard to figure out where to even start. This story seems like it has so many beginnings. I guess I'll start in the mid to late 2000's.  So over a decade ago I developed this theory that everything works in patterns. When I say everything I mean everything from how it all began to the thoughts we think and the actions we commit. With the billions of people on earth today there must be trillions upon trillions of interactions occuring every second. Despite all these interactions just looking like a ocean of random chaos there must be a pattern to it all. A grand design maybe. Hell if I'll be able to figure out what that pattern is. Around this time when I was thinking this it was also new years eve so I'm also reflecting on the past year o...