Love is a crazy crazy thing part 3

Its's April 20th 2016 and my life is almost perfect. I have a son who will be three in August that I get to see every weekend who I love to death. My job isn't great but it pays the bills. And for the past month I've been dating this woman named Kelly S. (not the Kelly I told you about earlier, a different Kelly) and I really adore her a lot. We're keeping things casual per my request. I just haven't really wanted to be in a serious relationship since my experience with Lila. And also unlike before I'm pretty content with the idea of being alone. I'm no longer looking to fall in love. I kind of feel bad because I can tell Kelly S. wants us to be more. Sometimes I still find myself thinking about her and wondering how things might have panned out if not for the night of April 20th. Maybe I would have settled down with her. Maybe I would have given my son the family I wish I had growing up.  

2015 and 2016 were the best years of my life. My social life was just through the roof. I just had one little problem that was really bugging me. Lila had me stuck in a situation that I really wanted to get out of. When I discovered the solution to my problem on the night of April 20th 2016 my entire world flipped upside down. 

Rewind back to late 2012. Bumping into Kelly was a really pleasant surprise. We talked a little bit "how are you? How are things going?" Stuff like that. I wanted to say more but I'm still really shy around her. Despite all these feelings rushing back I really have no hope of rekindling a relationship with her again. All I know is that I have to break up with Lila. I'm really afraid of her reaction though cause she's crazy. I figured I'd wait till I save up enough money to get a new apartment and then I can just break up with her the day I move out and avoid all the drama. 

One problem, I can't seem to go through the normal motions I use to go through anymore. I don't say I love you and kiss her goodbye before work anymore. We barely had anything to talk about before but now it's like I can't even say a word to her at all or even look at her. Even my sexual interest in her has completely vanished. I think maybe two weeks went by and I never touched her. It probably would have stayed that way if it wasn't for this other girl from work.

Me and this other girl from work end up meeting at a bar and fooled around a bit in her car. I wanted sex but she kept it strictly fourplay. I kinda figured she might be a lesbian cause we fooled around a few more times after that and it was always strictly fourplay, she just wanted nothing to do with regular intercourse. I heard from someone she's married to another girl now, so I guess I was right. 

I get home later that night and Lila confronts me about why I'm not talking to her. And I just can't hold it in anymore, all the negative emotions I had bottled up just erupted. I can't stand you, I don't want to be with you anymore, I hate your guts. Saying all that felt so good. It felt like I purged a demon from inside of me. Just this huge weight lifted off my chest and I feel so much better. But now she's crying and I feel bad and my system is still running cause of that other girl I was just with. If it wasn't for the girl from work priming my system I probably never would have slept with Lila that night. The strange thing is that it seems that it was always fated to happen this way. Like I didn't have a choice.

Anyway a bunch of drama unfolded the next morning. She's making threats, trying to break whatever belongs to me. She even tried fighting me over toilet paper while I was on the toilet. She called the cops and the cops are about to arrest me and I'm like wait a minute, all she has to do is make up some bullshit and you arrest me? No evidence no nothing? Cop is like yeah pretty much. So I'm like well I don't feel safe around her. Well now you're both arrested he says. She started singing a different tune after that and took back her false accusations.

She calmed down after a while and I moved out a few weeks later. Now she's pregnant. It was crazy how I found out, cause initially she didn't tell me in a straight forward sort of way. She just says "I got some news, could be bad or good depending on how you look at it". When I heard those words I knew it was good news. Not only that but I knew with absolute certainty that it was a boy. I wanted my first kid to be a girl but despite what I want I know he's a boy because I know the timing isn't a coincidence. 

I'm my father's only child. He was 27 when I was born. My mom and dad were separated since before I could remember. I use to wonder what my dad was thinking having a child with someone like my mother. It seemed like I was such a dumb mistake to make. Surely my dad could have done better than her. Lila reminding me of my mother played a pretty big role in why I broke up with her. And now I'll be 27 when my son is born. What's crazy is I think I've had two maybe three miscarriages before my son was conceived. It's like fate wouldn't allow me to have a child until I turned 27 and that child was always going to be a boy. I feel as though I'm stuck following in my father's footsteps and my son is stuck in mine. Born into the same exact situation as me, a broken home. I feel as though I am my father and my son simultaneously, and I bore myself through my own mother. It's crazy to me how much had to go right in order for my son to be conceived. If I didn't bump into Kelly and fool around with that other girl none of this would have happened. I don't regret it or anything, it's just wild to think about how seemingly random events can build up to something so unimaginable. Like it was all planned by some grand designer.

part 4