Love unbound
Why do we need to see signs and miracles to believe in the truth? Don't we as an intelligent species have the capacity to discern truth from fiction? If Jesus had performed no miracles but only spoke the truth that love, compassion, forgiveness, and good will toward men is the path to life, would you believe and accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior? These questions are rhetorical, but the next one is not.
Obviously if someone came along and made the claim that he's God or prophet, but gave no compelling explanation as to why we should believe, then we should not believe him. Because anyone could make a baseless claim. But what if someone came with a compelling explanation as to why you should believe he is who he says he is? What if he told you the story as to how he found out, and that story was corroborated by a prophetic book in the Bible? What if that book even described what he looks like, and he does indeed look as described? Would you believe him, even though he performed no signs or miracles yet? Or would you demand a sign first before believing? And if he performs no sign would you then assume that the correlation between him, his story and the prophetic book is just a coincidence?
I'm going to tell you a story. And if you believe I'm false I want you to explain thoroughly how you know this to be true.
PREMONITIONS
When I was still a teenager a friend and I were talking about girls. And something came over me. I described who my perfect girlfriend would be. It wasn't premeditated. It just came out. I said she would be beautiful, a waitress, and she would be a lesbian. I don't know why I said that, but that's what I said. (I know you're already iffy cause of the whole lesbian thing but bare with me, okay. I actually have a lot to say on the subject, but another time.)
Another time a woman named Angel out of the blue said that I would have the perfect girlfriend one day.
One night I dreamt of a woman. I'm standing on the shore watching her surf a massive wave. And I just know in my heart that she's beautiful. I woke up and the most miraculous thing happened. The woman I dreamt of is laying in bed right next to me. I couldn't believe it. I looked away and said God please let this be real, I promise I won't question reality. I looked again and it was my ex. The way the moonlight was reflecting off her was playing tricks on my eyes. My heart ached for a woman I wasn't even sure was real. What are the odds of that though? Of all the times I've woken up in the middle of the night next to my ex the moonlight never played that trick on me before. For it to happen the same night I dreamt of this woman it could not be a coincidence.
I've never spoken of this premonition before, but there was another time where it felt like I could almost see her. She's white as snow and very slender, but has curves so slight she looks like a work of art. And somehow I just know that she's deserving of all the love in the world. I shrugged it off as my imagination running wild.
FIRST AND SECOND MEETING
I went out drinking with my friend champagne. She tells me that her friend Paige is coming to meet us, someone I've never met before. Champagne tells me that Paige is a lesbian. I think that was her way of telling me not to hit on her. It's whatever though, I have a rule not to chase women. I think chasing looks pathetic. I'm especially not going to waste my time chasing someone I can't have.
As soon as I saw her it was like a scene from a romance movie. You know that cliche Hollywood trope where the guy sees the love of his life for the first time and somehow he just knows that she's the one? That's what it was like. It felt like I was looking at true beauty for the very first time. I couldn't take my eyes off of her.
She told me that we live on the same street. I'm guessing champagne must have told her. What an amazing coincidence I thought, maybe we'll be good friends one day I hoped. She literally lived just one block down the road for me. That's another Hollywood romance trope, the girl next door.
I don't remember much after that. I normally don't drink much, but I ended up blacking out that night. Somehow champagne managed to get me home. When I woke up Paige was the first person I thought about. I was afraid I'd never see her again. I know I have no chance of being with her, that's okay. I'd just really like to be her friend and get to know her.
Sometime later I'm out with champagne again and out of the blue there's Paige. She's with her girlfriend this time. As soon as she saw me she gave me a hug. I didn't think she would remember me.
We took a cab home. After dropping off the other girls we get to her place and she hands me her phone, as if to ask for my number. I can't believe it, she wants to be friends with me too. My wish is actually coming true. The other strange thing is that it's not even April yet and Paige is the fourth lesbian that asked for my number that year. As soon as she asked for my number I knew that 2016 was beginning to be a very strange year for me. What are the odds that four lesbians would ask for my number in the span of a couple months? I thought if God is trying to tell me something I sure as hell don't know what it could be.
FIRST NON DATE
Paige texts me and invites me out for a drink. I'm a bit surprised that it's just her, I thought she'd have friends with her. Her bar is a little too quiet for my taste, I like a more exciting atmosphere, so I asked if she wanted to go to lux to drink instead.
We're at lux sitting at the bar talking. At one point she puts her hand on my shoulder, leans in, and speaks into my ear. I don't think anything of it, it is getting kind of loud, so I'm not going to assume that she's flirting. Anyway, I return the favor and do the same. I lean in to say whatever I said into her ear. Then something strange happened. It's like I'm missing a brief moment of time. I remember I was speaking into her ear. But now my lips are in front of her lips, a fingers width away. I don't remember putting my lips in front of hers. She's not leaning away from me. It's like she's waiting for me to kiss her. But I'm just so perplexed as to how my lips ended up in front of hers without my knowledge that I ended up looking away from her. I can see that she's visibly confused as to why I didn't kiss her. I wish I did.
We go outside for a cigarette. Once outside she lost her balance and started to fall. At that moment I caught her with my right arm around her waist. And now she's looking at me in a way that no one's ever looked at me before. I feel like I'm stuck and can't move. I feel like I'm drowning in the most beautiful whitest light I ever saw. I wish she would look away from me because I feel so overwhelmed by her gaze. I managed to fish my lighter out of my pocket and I lit her cigarette with my left hand and my right arm is still around her waist. I'm so relieved she finally looked away from me. I don't know what that was, but it was intense.
I feel like I had too much to drink and I'm ready to call it a night. I call a cab, she uses the restroom. The cab gets here while she's still in the restroom. I text her but I guess she didn't see. Which is why she had to ask where I went. I tell you all this because this is also in song of songs. If it wasn't then I would just skip to the part where we hugged. I suppose whoever she asked told her that I was outside with the cab. Then we head home. I walk her to the gate outside her apartment and give her a hug goodbye. I bring my hands to her shoulders to end the hug. But she's still holding onto me. So I embrace her again. I've never had a hug like that in my entire life. I hoped in that moment that we'd be friends for a lifetime. Before entering her gate she turned back to ask if she could walk me home. I thought if she walked me home then I'd have to walk her home again and I don't want to make two trips, so I said no thanks. Yeah I'm real fucking dumb sometimes.
INTERMISSION (I don't know, I suck at titles, leave me alone)
It would be a while before her and I hangout again. I recently met and started dating another woman, Kelly. One day I text Paige and tell her I have a date but that it's not for a while. So I asked if she wanted to hangout in the meantime. I didn't get a response back, maybe she's at work.
So later that night I'm with my girlfriend sharing an intimate moment. Then suddenly I felt this intense flash of jealousy. It felt like I was jealous of her for being with me and I wanted to hit her because of that. It made no sense to me. Why would I be jealous of Kelly for being with me? I am me, I love that she's with me. It wasn't until way later that I would figure out that it wasn't my emotions I was feeling, it was hers. It couldn't be anyone else but her because she was the only one that even knew that I was with her that night.
Another time I was on my way to champagne's place with my son. She wanted to have a playdate with my son and her boyfriend's son. On the way I decide to pop into the restaurant that Paige works at. As soon as she saw me she looked like a deer in headlights the way she was looking at me. It felt like time slowed to a crawl. Then she looked at my son and gave the most beautiful smile I ever saw. In that moment it was like I could feel her presence. She felt like a true mother at heart even though she had no kids of her own. I wish he didn't fall asleep in the stroller so that he could have met her. She asked me to text her later so that we could hangout again. Stupid me, I never did, at least not till way later.
THE ENCOUNTER
So I got into some legal trouble a while back over some false accusations. My ex's way of getting revenge for breaking up with her. My lawyer talked me into taking the plea deal even though technically I did absolutely nothing wrong. So now I'm on probation and the idea of being punished and being treated like a criminal even though I've committed no crime is really bothering me. I really wanted out of this situation. Probation isn't that big of a deal but to me it's about the principal of the situation. I'm right and they're wrong. Even though it's a small punishment I still can't accept the fact that I gave my consent to be punished for doing nothing wrong. So I decided to do something unorthodox. I decided I'll exercise civil disobedience and just not go to probation, and we'll see what happens.
The moment I made that choice was when Jesus appeared to me. The reason being is because I cherish liberty. Liberty is a most precious gift from God. And when man threatens you into giving up your liberty you're making a statement. You're saying that you fear man more than you fear God. So when I made that choice I prioritized my fear of God over my fear of Man.
I can't even begin to describe just how blissful the presence of Jesus is. It felt like I was actually physically surrounded and overflowing with love. The next day my coworkers accused me of being on drugs because of how much weight I lost. I'm like what drug causes you to lose 40lbs in a single night? I literally went from pot belly to visible abs, it was nuts.
But anyway, Jesus was with me for nearly an entire week. I also experienced the presence of Yahweh. It was like I was looking through the eyes of Jesus, and from his eyes I can see the mind of Yahweh. I'm not going to get into everything that happened that week, otherwise this story would be too long. But toward the end of that week I could see the holy Spirit. She's the most beautiful whitest light I've ever seen. And I just know that I'm in love with her. I get the feeling that she's on this earth in the flesh. But I don't know who she is. God hadn't told me. But I'm left wondering, if the woman I'm meant to be with is God then who am I?
What's funny is that when Jesus first appeared to me the very first person I told was Paige over text. I never got a response back when I told her.
This feeling that I was in love felt so real that I broke up with Kelly. It just didn't feel right to date her while knowing that I'm in love with someone else even though I don't know who she is.
SECOND NON DATE
I text her and ask if she wants to hangout and she invites me to her bar. Nothing too significant happens, not like last time. I complain that I'm having a bad hair day. She says she likes my hair, and she brushes her hand over my head. She told me how funny she thought my text was, when I said that Jesus was talking to me. I told her just how profound of an experience that it was and she says that she wants to talk about it. Out of all my friends she's the only one that actually wants to hear me out. Everyone else just brushed me off or accused me of being crazy before I even had the chance to explain the whole thing. You guys aren't any better.
She brought up the movie Django unchained for some reason and asked if I liked it. I love that movie. My favorite scene is when King Shultz tells Django the story of broomhilda and Siegfried. Siegfried scales a mountain because he's not afraid, he slays the dragon because he's not afraid, he walks through hell fire because she's worth it. When I saw this movie I wished to experience that kind of love, the kind that makes you conquer all fears.
In the movie there is a line where candy calls Django one out of ten thousand. Song of songs says the same thing.
My complexion is golden brown. My hair is black and wavy. I do keep my beard short and without a mustache.
I was pretty quiet that night. I wish I spoke more to her. But I couldn't stop thinking about that week-long experience I had with God. I just couldn't believe that actually happened. We called it a night pretty early and I escorted her home. I did buy her a flower that night. A guy walking by just happened to be selling them. I thought it was a friendly gesture.
THIRD NON DATE
We hangout again at lux. This time she brought friends with her. We're sitting at a bench outside the bar and she tells one of her friends that she loves her. And I actually felt it, I physically felt it. I wish I could describe it, but unfortunately that would be like describing what chocolate tastes like to a person without a tongue. It's something that you just have to experience for yourself.
It was like a sixth sense I didn't know I had. Almost like the sense of smell, but not with the nose, but with the heart. As soon as I felt it I knew that I was feeling true genuine love. Just like the love I felt when Jesus visited me. Even though this love was not expressed for me I felt it as though I was the one expressing it.
Despite the fact that I'm experiencing one of the most profound moments of my life I manage to keep my cool and maintain a poker face, not letting on to the fact that I'm kind of freaking out right now. Because I'm just now starting to realize that she's the woman from my vision, she's the holy Spirit, and she doesn't know it. I haven't come to that conclusion yet, but that's what I'm starting to think.
A few moments later she asks for my work schedule. She wants to know when I'm free so that she can spend more time with me. I'd love to spend more time with her.
Then she tells me something sad about her childhood. She says that she witnessed drug dealers beat up her father and my eyes start to water. I really do feel her emotions as my own. I have a rule, I don't like to drink when I'm feeling emotional. And now I'm emotional. I don't think a bar is a good place for me to be right now. I tell her that I'm gonna go. I can see that she's visibly upset that I'm leaving without her.
SECOND ENCOUNTER
The next day God visited me again. This time it's just Yahweh, and he's super intense. Now I know that Paige is the one I've been looking for. So much happened that week, but I have to keep this story short so I'll abbreviate it.
I blew up her phone a lot. I didn't want to. But every time I learned some new piece of information I just felt compelled to text Paige and tell her. I know I'm freaking her out and I don't want to. So I deleted her number to keep myself from texting her. But then I find her number in other places in my phone such as my call history, and I text her some more. Eventually I end up deleting all traces of her number so that I can finally leave her alone for good. And after I get through this visitation with God and have time to collect my thoughts I'll reach out to her. That was my plan anyway. But then I started writing her letters and leaving them at her door.
I guess something I said got through to her. I just happened to be browsing Craigslist missed connections, and there's an ad from her to me. She says that she also felt a connection when we shared that hug outside her apartment. Part of her is hesitant to believe all this other stuff though. She says that if what I say is true that she'll need some confirmation.
We went back and forth a bunch on Craigslist. It's like she wants to give us a shot, but other times she's not sure. At one point it felt like she was giving up on the possibility of us being a thing. And that scared me.
I was dressed for bed, I changed back into my clothes and rushed over to her apartment. It was raining that night. As soon as I got there I put my hand on the doorknob as if I was just going to walk in. I don't know what I was thinking doing that. I knocked and waited for a moment. Then I thought, what am I doing here, I shouldn't be here, I'm probably scaring her. So I left.
She has two paths going to her door. One path goes to the street we both live on. The other path leads to the nearest corner street. When I left I didn't want to go back home. So I figured I'd go for a walk and I took the other path.
If I had just waited a little bit longer for her to answer or if I took the path that led to our street she would have found me, then we'd be together now. I texted her and told her that I wanted to die.
THE WILDERNESS
so this chapter and the last chapter is happening simultaneously. During the second encounter I'm sitting on my porch and I look up and see all these strange clouds in the sky. They're all shaped like arrows. I assume God wants me to go for a walk. The sun hasn't set yet, but it is pretty late in the afternoon, so the street lights are on. I'm walking down my street, field st, toward Clinton. I'm on the right side of the road and the street lights are on the left. As soon as I'm about to pass this one particular light, it turns off. And behind that light is a wilderness. I guess that's where God wants me to go.
As soon as I entered the wilderness I could feel the holy Spirit. She felt so much like Paige that I thought Paige was in here somewhere in the flesh. The spirit led me to one side of a very large hill and down the other side to a patch of very tall grass. I was told something very powerful was going to come out of there one day but that I shouldn't approach it now.
So I just sat there for a while. Then I lost track of time and now it's pitch black. I can't see a thing. I get up to try and find my way out, then I hear this large hoofed animal galloping toward me, then it stops at the tree I'm standing next to. I assume it's a deer. As soon as it stops at the tree I hear the sound of a hissing snake. Great, I'm in pitch darkness and I'm inches away from being trampled to death or bit by a snake.
I keep my cool though. I figured Paige is the one who led me in here, maybe she can get me out. Since by this point I had already deleted all trace of her number I asked champagne to tell Paige to text or call me. When Paige texts me back my phone lit up and shined a light on my path out of here. She literally saved my life that night and I never told her about it.
SECOND NIGHT IN THE WILDERNESS
I was led back to the wilderness again by Spirit. I was compelled to make a fire and to give my life to it. I inhaled the smoke until I suffocated to death. I did it naked because she was naked when she was scarred. I laid down by the fire and let the smoke overtake me. I could feel a tingling sensation creep up my limbs as my joints contorted and my body went into paralysis. I'm forced into the fetal position and now I'm facing the fire. Any moment now the lights are going to go out and I'll be dead. The very next moment I feel fine. I can move again. It feels like I never inhaled any smoke at all. I thought maybe something went wrong because I thought I was supposed to die. So I tried it again. But I used a different method this time.
This time I stood over the fire and inhaled the smoke. I figured that when my body is too weak to stand then I'll just let myself fall into the fire. And that'll be that.
I'm almost at the point of being too weak to stand but then the fire starts to die. I don't feel like gathering more wood. I figured if I'm going to be dead then I won't need clothes where I'm going. So I threw my jeans into the fire to keep it going.
Same thing happens as last time. My knees buckle, so I lean forward. As I'm about to fall in all my strength and breath comes back to me and I stumble out of the fire.
Then I feel this tingling sensation at the center of my forehead. It's concentrated to a small point then it expands. And I could feel the presence of my higher self. He spoke through me. He said "why am I? Am I why?". I don't know, maybe he was trying to be funny or something.
I'm still alive and now I have no pants. And I lost my keys. I had to punch a window to get back into my apartment. I cut my right arm pretty bad doing it. I received two parallel gashes across my forearm. Doc said if the cuts were any deeper I would have lost functionality to my hand.
I knew the mark I received was significant in some way as soon as I received it. It took me a while to figure out what it meant. Basically it's binary, zero means no, one means yes. Consent begins when both parties agree, two yesses, two ones. The law is consent based. The law was written on my arm the night I baptized myself by fire.
Also the number eleven is pretty significant. Reality is made up of eleven universes and eleven dimensions.
ALMOST
so we're still going back and forth on Craigslist and I actually won her over. She broke up with her girlfriend for me. Her girlfriend even posted an ad saying something along the lines of that she was done with the games and that I can have her. Paige says that she wants to take me picnicking.
Great, I'm thrilled. What do I do now? Do I go to her? Do I knock on her door. I'm so afraid that if I come on too strong I might scare her away. I know I must have scared her a bunch with all the text messages, showing up at her apartment unannounced. Maybe I should wait for her to make the first move.
Oh right, I have to go to court for blowing off probation. And I got arrested. I didn't think that was going to happen.
I had already died and not died three times by now. I know that I'm immortal. I know that if I wanted to I could just muscle my way out of that court room. They could shoot me and I'll be fine. I've been shot before from point blank range. And the bullet never touched me because God intervened. You can read that story here if you want. So why am I losing faith now? Why am I afraid? Why did I let them arrest me?
I got out five months later. It took me awhile to work up the courage to knock on her door. Someone else lives there now.
She was the only one that believed me. But I guess she lost faith too, just like I did. Maybe her girlfriend got in her head and convinced her that I was crazy. She moved back to her home state of Iowa.
It was always going to happen this way though. It's all part of God's plan.
She awakens me where I was born. I still live in my city of birth. This implies that she leaves her home and comes back to me. If she had never left then there would be no point in mentioning the fact that she awakens me in my city of birth.
Also my bed is under what the author would describe as an apple tree. Because there's no words for it in ancient times.
My son made me a paper tie for Father's day and colored it red. I didn't know where to put it, so I hung it around the lamp that's hanging on the wall above my bed. Right behind the lamp is a green plastic plant. So the combination of a green plant plus red tie, Solomon didn't know what to call it, so he called it an apple tree.
This is what will happen. Somehow I'll get you guys talking. You Christians who are asleep and not watching for the season as Jesus commanded.
Then you'll seek her on my behalf
Before she becomes aware of the fact that word of me is spreading you'll find her.
After she awakens me from under the apple tree we'll go spend the night in the city and in the morning we'll go to the wilderness where I gave my life for her.
Then we'll have our wedding. I'm assuming some left wing loonies will be "peacefully" protesting, hence the protection.
I have been so extremely depressed these nine years. I look forward to my heart rejoicing
The question is how do I get you guys talking? Are you convinced by the evidence as rational people should be? Or do you pretend that there is no evidence and explain it all away with the assumption that it's all coincidence? How do you explain away everything that happened before my first encounter with Jesus?
I doubt anyone will be convinced even though it's highly evident that the odds are too slim to be one maybe coincidence. I mean how many golden brown dudes with black and wavy hair, and a distinctive mark on their arm, show up claiming to be one of the two witnesses? How many have a story as elaborate as mine, a story matching a story in the Bible? My claims are clearly one of a kind.
CONFIRMATION
I didn't mention this earlier. I wasn't sure where to squeeze it into the story. But during the second encounter I learned that I'm Cain. That was a tough pill to swallow. I'm like the most hated character in the Bible. It took me a while to cope with that truth.
When I was in jail I asked God for some confirmation. Something to convince me that all this wasn't just in my head. Later that night, watching the news, I learned that Hillary Clinton selected Kane as her running mate. You can't make this stuff up.
You might be a little iffy, asking yourself how can Cain be one of the two witnesses? So I'll elaborate. Not only am I Cain, I am also Moses. Have you not noticed that we never saw Cain live out the curse of Cain, being a wanderer and a fugitive? But Moses lived that curse. 40 years Moses was a fugitive. Then 40 years he was a wanderer.
Have you noticed that the Bible likes to foreshadow itself? Think of all the miraculous births that took place in the old testament. Isaac whom Abraham was told to sacrifice, Jacob, Joseph, Sampson, Samuel, The Shunammite woman's son who was raised from the dead. All these were arrows pointing to the miraculous birth, death and resurrection of Jesus.
Now think of all the stories of the younger brother being greater than the older brother. Cain and Abel, Jacob and Esau, Joseph and his brothers, Ephraim and Manasseh, Moses and Aaron, David's kingdom and Saul's kingdom, David and his brothers, Solomon and his brothers, Jews and Christians, America and Israel. Abel was always going to be God over Cain. And I'm okay with that. I like having Jesus as my God. I can't believe I killed him in another life. What was I thinking? Thank God he's merciful.
I suppose the story of Saul was also foreshadowing this fact. The fact that I would be one of the two witnesses. Jesus said "Saul, why are you persecuting me" then he made him his right hand man. Just as I am. When his disciples asked Jesus to make them his left and right hand Jesus said these positions have already been prepared for two others. That's me and Paige.
Do you remember what happened when Moses came down the mountain the first time? He broke the tablets, foreshadowing his breaking of the law which would keep him from inheriting the promised land.
But if the first time foreshadowed Moses failure to keep the law what about the second time he came down the mountain and his face shown like the sun? Do you see how the Bible was foreshadowing a return of Moses?
You might be wondering about my claim that Paige is God the holy Spirit, so I'll elaborate on that as well. Do you remember the parable of the wicked tenants? God sent his servants (the prophets) to harvest the fruit of the vineyard. But the tenants killed his servants. So God sent his son because there are no other prophets to send. But they killed him too. So the two that God sends in the latter days cannot be mere prophets, for there are no more prophets to send. That's why God the father sent God the son in the first place. Therefore who he sends after must also be God. That's why the two witnesses are God.
Do you remember how in my story Jesus visited me because I cherished the gift of liberty purchased by Jesus? Just like how Jesus is truth and the father is love, Paige is liberty. And freedom is the perfect marriage of liberty and justice.
Jesus entered Jerusalem on a donkey. When he returns it's on a white horse. The two witnesses leave on a cloud. When they return with Jesus it's again on clouds. And the son of Man (me) is seated at the right hand of power. That's who she is, power itself. She is very powerful, but doesn't know it. She's actually the personification of time. Which explains why she's able to warp my experience of time with just a look.
Also see the verses describing the rapture.
The restrainer of lawlessness is the holy Spirit. The anti Christ will not be revealed until the holy Spirit is taken away. And that happens when the two witnesses are raised from the dead and ascend into heaven. And when the holy Spirit is taken away, all those who have the holy Spirit dwelling in them are taken with the two witnesses.
Also God told Cain that he must conquer sin. This was hinting at the fact that it's Cain's job to be the restrainer of lawlessness.
I know many believe in a pre tribulation rapture. But this is not so. The rapture is when the two witnesses are raised. These next verses confirm this.
Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord.
And then the seventh and last trumpet is sounded.
So you see? The rapture occurs when the two witnesses, the holy Spirit, who are man and wife made one flesh, are called to heaven.
So if I'm Cain and Moses then who is Paige? She is both Eve and the virgin Mary. On judgement Day she'll be the jury, deciding who enters paradise and who doesn't. If Jesus is your public defender then you got a good chance of getting in.
This explains why there is enmity between her and the serpent. Why would Satan hate her so much unless she was someone special? Also the prophecy of her seed and Satan's seed foreshadowed her playing a role in the future. Because if she didn't return in the future then how would you distinguish who her seed is? Everyone came from Eve. Not everyone came from Mary. Therefore Eve must be Mary.
SIDE STORY
So I have this funny story about a belt that I use to own. It was a black belt made to look like a serpent, or a dragon. The first night I wore it out to the bar I had a little difficulty unbuckling it. It had a complicated latching mechanism. And I had to take a piss. I'm wearing these ridiculously tight jeans that's all buttons and no zipper. So the only way I can take a piss is by first unbuckling the belt. But I can't figure out the Latching mechanism. I think maybe if I create a little bit of slack I can get it to unlatch. Oops, I just made it a little bit tighter. I try again and fail and now the belt is even tighter.
It didn't dawn on me then, but looking back I can't help but notice how funny it is that a belt made to look like a serpent was literally constricting my waste, just like a serpent would do.
This was the belt I was wearing when I threw my pants into the fire the night I was baptized by fire. The belt went in with the pants.
You see how that night in the wilderness mirrors the story of Siegfried and Broomhilda from the movie Django unchained? You really can't make this stuff up.
DISCOMFORT
there is something I've been avoiding talking about. The subject makes me uncomfortable. But I think about it a lot. The plight that women face in this fallen world. I was actually thinking about it the first time I hung out with Paige.
I was thinking about how I was scarred by this very insignificant occurrence when I was a child. I drank rotten milk once as a kid, and to this day I'm still grossed out by milk. And I wondered if something so insignificant can still have an effect on me all these years later then what kind of impact does man's treatment of women have on women? I thought about mentioning this thought to Paige. But then I thought that I better not, because what if she suffered this trauma?
Then when we went to lux and we were talking she just blurted it out. It caught me off guard, I didn't know how to respond. I just kind of changed the subject.
During my first encounter when I saw the holy Spirit, I could feel her trauma. When we were going back and forth on Craigslist she told me that her past haunts her. I never told her that I knew. But during the second encounter I could feel her pain as though it was happening to me. I cried myself to sleep several nights in a row because I can feel her pain.
I don't like talking about it. But if Revelation 14:4 is to be fulfilled I guess it needs to be talked about.
I want so bad to be her friend again. A true friend. Maybe that's why she reached out to me initially. She saw that champagne trusts me. Maybe she thought she could trust me to be her friend too.
HOPE
My hope is that you'll believe me. And that Paige will come back to me again so that we can be the bestest of friends. But I doubt that you'll believe me without first seeing a sign.
God told me that I would have to die one more time before I can be with her. I really don't want to believe this to be true. Even though I know I can't die I'm still afraid of death.
But then again it's what I wished for. To feel the kind of love that causes me to conquer all fears. I know she's worth dying for.
There's actually a church in Iowa named vineyard Church of Davenport, the city she lives in. I'm thinking these are the people who find Paige on my behalf.
CLOSING
I want you to know that even though I claim that her and I are the holy Spirit I don't expect you to adopt us as your God or worship us in any way. I wouldn't want that. I wouldn't feel comfortable with that. The only God you need to adopt as your God is Jesus Christ. If you adopt Jesus as your God then you'll inherit the holy Spirit regardless of whether or not you believe her and I to be the holy Spirit.
Honestly the whole idea of me being me scares the crap out of me. I don't want to be God. I don't want to believe that I'm God. I'm very cool with Jesus being my God, my lord and Savior over me.
I just want to be as close as possible to God. I had no idea that being one with God would mean that I become God too. Again, I don't want to believe this. But when God shows up and says Paige and I are God what am I going to do, call him a liar?
I still struggle with this knowledge. I was just living a regular life as a regular dude. Then she came and turned my entire world upside down. I'm going to try and not think about it and just appreciate the fact that I get to be best friends with God.
So tell me, am I lying? Am I delusional? Is it all coincidence? How do you explain it all away? Try and devote more than two seconds of thought as you reply with your objection.
ONE MORE SIDE STORY
During the second event I had my son with me. He was just two years old at the time. It was pretty late at night and he was pretty restless. He was trying to open the front door. I figured a walk wouldn't hurt. When we got outside I figured he would head across the street where the school playground is. But he didn't. Instead he walked down field st. And as soon as we got to the gate outside Paige's apartment he stopped and looked at me.
He never met Paige, he was asleep that time Paige saw him at the restaurant. Nor did he know where Paige lived. So how did he know to stop there? Should I have knocked on her door that night?
I found this piece of paper at the top of the hill in the wilderness. When I found it it felt like it was meant for me. I went there many times after those first two nights hoping I'd bump into Paige.
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